~ Don’t dig up in doubt what you planted in faith ~ Elisabeth Elliot
I stumbled across this quote the day when I almost let doubt overcome my faith…
How timely. And how perfectly fitting, I thought.
There I was, avoiding God and avoiding fellowshipping with Him, and what does He do? He pours out His love and grace on me despite my rebellious attitude.
Like a loving parent that never stops loving his child, while the said child is throwing another tantrum.
You see, dear friend, I stopped praying and reading God’s Word.
I was angry.
Angry at God for reasons that seem so inconsequential today but appeared so damagingly big to me a mere few weeks ago…
Let me give you a little background to what brought me to this miserable state.
We sold our home.
Yes. You read that right.
This was the damagingly big cause of the problem I found myself in.
Seems silly to me now when I think about it. But that was the enemy’s bait and I took it…
I know some of you may be reading this and thinking, “wow, I can’t believe that such a simple thing could cause her to fall so low.”
Your thoughts and opinions about this whole story, while important, have no bearing on my present or future feelings.
The only thing I can think about right now is God’s marvelous GRACE and how undeserving I am of receiving it.
But He gives grace freely to all of us…
The only choice we are left with is to accept it or reject it.
But I am getting ahead of myself.
A few months ago, after much thinking and praying, we made a decision to sell our home.
Our first house. A house that welcomed our two children. A house that I always imagined would be our only home. A house in which I saw my two kids hit the important milestones. A house that held many precious memories.
The decision, although a difficult one, was built on faith in God’s leading, based on numerous different answers my husband and I received independently of each other.
The irony of the whole situation is that I knew without a shadow of a doubt that this was the right thing to do.
I had to be 100% confident that this is what the Lord wanted us to do, because I didn’t want to doubt the decision later.
So I prayed and pleaded with God to answer us in ways that would be undoubtedly divine.
And He did.
I asked for peace about selling our home and He clothed me with peace.
He talked to us through other believers and through His Word. The constant “yes, you need to sell this house” was before us despite the emotional objections coming from me.
And despite the emotional attachment to the house, I was constantly convicted by the Holy Spirit: nothing in this world should matter to you. Every day I was reminded, “your home is in heaven and you are just traveling through this world,” in the words of Billy Graham.
The final confirmation of our decision came when we sold our house for a full list price within 24 hours of it being on the market.
This marked the beginning of the test that I failed miserably.
Moving from a heavily populated area by human beings to one that is densely populated by trees and deer and bears was a culture shock.
Did I mention that I love people?
I always enjoyed little getaways to the mountains or the ocean but I also looked forward to coming back to society.
And here I found myself, looking out into the vast spaces for days and weeks, not being able to talk to our neighbors across the street.
To make things worse, the day we moved to our new home we almost lost our baby.
Another update for you, my dear friends: we are expecting our third baby! (More on that later)
I blamed myself for it. I blamed the move for it. I blamed God for it. And I was angry…
My Bible was left untouched and my knees forgot the feeling of the floor.
One day my husband asked me the dreaded question, “when was the last time you read your Bible?”
Talk about spousal accountability. But I loved him even more for it. The man was bending backwards, trying to find ways how to pull me out…
“Dug up in doubt what I planted in faith.” Yes, Elisabeth Elliot, although you are not with us anymore, God used your words to get through to me even while I shut Him out.
Grace and faith. These are my constant companions now. And I just want to shout for joy at what the Lord is doing in my heart and in our lives!
…Just like I never thought that the enemy would ever use simple things to get to me, so you, my dear friend, may find yourself at a point where the simple things caused you to “dig up in doubt what you planted in faith.” My challenge to you would be to stop and simply talk to God. He knows it all. Even the innermost thoughts that no one else may ever know.
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