Reclaiming My Identity, Stepping Into My Calling, and Running the Race

As I prayed to hear from God on what to write next, He gave me an answer I didn’t expect. So, I am just going to be bold and share it with you…

God is good! Perfectly good! All the time!

“For the kingdom of God does not consist in talk but in power” 1 Corinthians 4:20.

Please, bear with me as I take you on my journey of complete healing, transformation and renewal.

Although this journey is personal, I believe there is a reason why God wants me to share it with you all…

About two years ago I wrote an open letter to my family and friends on discovering the Holy Spirit.

Since that post, a lot has happened in this journey of learning more about who God is and who I am.

And not just about who I am but who we are as believers in Jesus and His disciples.

Our value.

Our calling.

Our destiny.

If you call yourself a believer in Jesus and find that you strongly disagree with me on what I am about to share with you, that’s ok.

Because I disagreed with myself as well for awhile.

For two years, I fought against what God was clearly showing to me through His Word in regards to the gifts of the Holy Spirit and God’s will for healing.

The battle was between years of erroneous theology and doctrine, (or what I would call “man-made doctrine”), and my deep hunger and search for the truth.

So… I understand if many of those who are reading today’s post will automatically tune this out as “deception,” me being misled, or whatever else.

What I have faith for is in God’s power.

His power to change hearts as He did mine.

His power to transform lives as He did mine.

His power to heal as He healed me.

His power to set the captives free as I was set free.

Free from guilt.

Free from condemnation.

Free from things like anger, depression, resentment,  unforgiveness, doubt, unbelief, fear, irritability, etc.

He freed me from me.

And now I can be free from you.

What do I mean by that?

I am free from any fear of being misjudged by you, because I know who I am in Christ…

I am free to love you, no matter what you do to me or what you say to me (or about me).

And nothing can change that.

Because I know what God thinks of me!

So, whoever you are, whether you are my friend or someone who doesn’t identify as a friend, I LOVE YOU!

Because God loves you and His love is perfect

He gives without expecting anything back.

And to think that I doubted His perfect love for me… to think that I doubted His goodness…

Never again!

“The Spirit of the Lord GOD is upon me, because the LORD has anointed me to bring good news to the poor; he has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim liberty to the captives, and the opening of the prison to those who are bound” ~ Isaiah 61:1

Two years ago, I dove right into carrying out Jesus’ commandment given to all of His followers in Matthew 10:7-8 and Mark 16:14-18. I was praying for the sick to be healed. I was praying for my brother to be healed from CP (cerebral palsy).

After not seeing any significant results (I did witness headaches going away and my kids fever/infection going away after prayer), I started to doubt whether what I started to believe was the truth or not.

I started to listen to the voice coming from years of teaching that sometimes it’s not God’s will to heal…

I stopped praying for people to be healed.

How could I keep praying for healing if I wasn’t sure if it’s God’s will to heal people all the time? I mean, how can I know what God’s perfect will is, right?

Wrong.

I’ll tell you why I was dead wrong and why so much of today’s Christianity is dead wrong.

We hear all the time: “God’s will is revealed through His Word.”

His heart.

His character.

His love.

His will.

I couldn’t get away from His Word speaking truth into my life.

And I came to the point of being faced with only two possible options in regards to our identity in Christ and the great commission written in Mark 16:14-18:

  1. Either God’s Word is the truth and we are wrong (our lives are not matching up to what the Bible tells us we should be).
  2. We are right and God’s Word is wrong.

About two months ago, when we got together with my family for prayer, I shared these thoughts with my younger brother.

I asked my family to pray for me, because I felt like I was losing the fight.

I was losing my new-found identity and the doubts filled my heart once again.

I had a young patient, about my age, who was dying from end-stage lung cancer and I didn’t have any faith to pray for his healing. What if it’s not God’s will for him to be healed, I thought.

That patient died and his death turned something inside of me.

I wept.

I was literally wailing in my closet, asking God how in the world it could be possible for me to have more compassion for this stranger than Him, a God that I have known to be perfectly loving, compassionate, merciful, etc.

I began asking for clarity about all of this.

And I got clarity.

In the next several posts, I will share with you how God gave me clarity about the race we have all been called to run, about what God’s will for healing is, and some testimonies of God’s power and love.

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