How do I start writing again, after being silent for almost three months?
This has been the question plaguing my mind for the past week…
Although I have felt the pressing burden to write, there was another (big) part of me that resisted that pressure.
Perhaps, it would be just easier to state the plain truth: I have been wounded in a battle I had no idea was coming.
A wound that at one point – the one where I hit the ground – seemed (to me) beyond any hope of healing or repair.
Interestingly, it all started from a simple prayer: A deep desire to be a pure vessel and a heartfelt plea that the Holy Spirit would uproot things that stand in a way of deeper intimacy with God.
(A friendly word of advice: Just in case you are praying a similar prayer right now, be prepared for something big coming at you from left field.)
GOD IS GOOD!
I felt like I just needed to say this. (Yes, in bold, capital letters and with an exclamation point.)
All because, just a few weeks back, I was spiraling down into a dark place. This was a place where I, once again, began to seriously doubt God’s goodness.
Another moment of truth: I even had fleeting thoughts of whether He exists at all…
Perhaps the best way to describe this would be the following… Deep down I still knew that He is real, but the overwhelming doubts, the pain, the confusion – created a huge, dark cloud that I desperately wanted to escape.
Foolishly, I thought the escape would be more swift and simple if only I would choose not to deal with the tough questions.
The biggest questions I faced were: Where is God in the midst of pain and suffering? If nothing ever happens without His knowledge, how can He allow evil things to happen to innocent children? How can I fully trust God to protect my children from evil?
I yearned for peace.
I longed for clarity.
I wanted answers…
Not getting the answers or the clarity I so desperately desired, I became angry at God and hid my face from Him.
The peace I longed for, became even more elusive as I neglected prayer and fellowship with my Creator through His Word and one on one conversations.
How could that one simple prayer to be more closer in my relationship with Jesus bring so much havoc?
Apparently, I had some deep rooted things that stayed very well hidden until divinely appointed events caused them to come to the surface.
After all, I did want the Holy Spirit to strip away anything that hindered me from a deeper intimacy with my Lord…
So, His ever careful surgeon’s scalpel work began on a day when I read a friend’s testimony of her past sexual abuse.
By this time, I have been open about my own sexual abuse and the healing I have received from Jesus. THIS post was written some time ago, and I honestly never thought that I would be revisiting this subject ever again.
I certainly thought one post would suffice, especially coming from a culture where even one article on sexual abuse would generally be considered as “being too open about one’s private life.”
And although I didn’t agree with this notion even at the time I wrote the post, I thought it would be better to leave the subject alone and not stir up the pot, as the saying goes…
Why open up the festering wounds?
The issue of childhood sexual abuse is one of such wounds…
It happens more often than we realize, to people that we would never suspect, and in families that we would never suspect.
Sexual abuse is perpetrated at the hands of uncles and aunts, brothers and sisters, fathers and mothers, grandfathers and grandmothers, to girls and boys alike, most often by the most trusted people in a child’s life.
It happens in all communities across the world.
And it happens in a Christian community – one community where it should NEVER take place…
Since being open about my own past sexual abuse, a few young women have shared their own painful experiences with me.
These stories opened a window to a huge problem in our midst, a problem very few seem to want to talk about for different reasons.
Some consider it a taboo subject. Others think it is a shameful topic. Some avoid it because they are not comfortable talking about anything remotely related to sex. Yet another group of people foolishly believe that if we don’t talk about it, it will somehow go away. And there are those who believe it’s not a serious issue.
Whatever the reasons, and there may be others, it is time we deal with the issue head on. As God would deal with it…
Away with cultural norms and unwritten rules. Set aside your personal biases. Look at the problem in light of what God’s Word teaches about sin and how it should be dealt with. Stop sweeping trash under the rug for the purpose of not ruining the reputation of the church…
So many souls are being wounded and traumatized by the very people who call themselves Christians. Meanwhile, God’s name is being dragged through the mud.
It is time to shine a light on this darkness lurking in the midst of the Church – Christ’s bride.
I strongly believe that the enemy desperately wants to keep the status quo. And that is one of the main reasons why I have been hit with a big blow recently.
But I say, “No More!” And I say, “Enough!”
Will you join me in standing up to the darkness and showing God’s heart to those who are hurt and wounded by the enemy? Will you join me in loving as God loves?
The church needs to do both: expose the evil but do it in truth and love… An impossible thing to do UNLESS we abide in Christ.
That is something the Lord was teaching me through the recent battle as well.
How can one love (agape) a person who preys on victims in order to satisfy his own sexual desire and lust? How can one love (agape) a man who uses his authority or trust to make sexual advances on unsuspecting young women and/or girls?
My initial reaction was to publicly expose this kind of a man…
A friend was sexually abused by a man who is known in one community as a “Doctor.” People go to see him for all sorts of health problems. He is also known for knowing something about gynecology and helping infertile couples to conceive. This man calls himself a Christian. This man sexually abused my friend…
Indeed, my initial reaction was to publicly expose him. However, after much talking with my husband and praying, I spoke with his pastor and connected the pastor with my friend in order to provide the detailed information. From a legal standpoint, my friend is now an adult and clearly has a right to pursue criminal charges if she chooses to do so.
As of now, I am praying that the Holy Spirit convicts him of his sin and that he truly repents and is set free from the chains he is in. I am praying that the Holy Spirit guides the pastor who is investigating the matter, and gives him supernatural wisdom on how to deal with this situation. I am praying that no more souls would be damaged by the enemy.
I am praying for the body of Christ to be purified and to stand up without blemish, waiting for the return of her bridegroom.
As to this journey…
In the several following posts, I intend to write more extensively about the issue of childhood sexual abuse and my own journey to completely surrendering to God…
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